Tag Archive: fireworks

Overly blue

Hey hey.

Aren’t things moving fast. Cute shit ahead, cute shit deemed worth chasing, for we need a principle to go after and what else is there, really. I like where it’s all going. I’ve become quite the expert at closing my eyes shut, stuffing my head with the usual ghosts, enough for the horrors beyond my grasp to disappear like colors from a late dream. Might not have been your lesson but I learned this around your hair, it’s not that much of a hell when we’re in charge of the flames coming our way. And fire is great for cleansing too.

Still, I’m keeping you here where you can’t fade away. A relic from different times, boring times, dark times I guess, what with your weird cold heart being one of the few warming lights. Is this even about you anymore? I might have lost contact with who you are enough for your essence to stop mattering altogether. It’s been a while. Not the first while either. You always come back eventually, and I’m usually here to welcome you, ‘cause that’s what I do, desperately unable to save your attention in some merry place where I can get it anytime I want.

And yet it doesn’t really matter to me. Far away as you may be, you’re still floating in my every coffee, sacrificing most sleep to the higher cause of the wonderful living I trust we’re both carrying on right now. I’m grateful to you, and I haven’t mentioned any reason why, but reasons are such a boring excuse, and who gives a shit about adolescence anyway? We should be past the emotional answers by now, frankly you kind of always were, and there’s still so many hurtful questions we can ask to bring this world to our cheerful knees.

You must be flying quite high now. I know ‘cause I’ve been there too. I’m not much of a bird, clouds confuse the fuck out of me and the heavens don’t like my habit of vomiting all over. But I like to think my feathers are kind and one of a kind, and they can shine quite prettily when I happen to step in front of the sun. Will you be my star once again? I miss the rainbows we used to draw in the sky with everlasting help from our twisted brains. I can only do so much on my own, so do try and stick around.

For my world needs coloring, and you’re one special shade of cyan it’d be sad to paint without.


Fireworks in the rain

I’ve been thinking. I’ve been longing for a chance to write you, but I grew tired of waiting and have decided to create one. A chance for this little secret of mine to pour out from my eyes, release to the darkness this sorry feeling violently rattling inside my chest. A chance for the dreams to shatter against something more beautiful than reality, and cut myself with their shards just to more strongly remember.

I got rid of the dust you left on my shoulder, back when I used to carry you around like a big blond four leaf clover. We all need an angel to take care of our twisted lives. Eventually I replaced it and sold you to the master of postcards, as I always do. As I always do, sometimes I miss it and wonder if I should have asked you to dance me around the rainy skies, for that is what wings are for and somewhere along your lines I had sensed meaningful clouds, a storm sent from heaven for us to cool down hell.

And of course, I keep speaking about us despite the fact that there clearly isn’t such a thing. I don’t even know what a couple is. Sure, I can describe myself, if necessary I can drown your personality in wild guesswork, but when it gets to “us” I’m fucking clueless. Am I so much to blame? I might be blind, but we ain’t exactly on a silver plate either. Which is ironic, for I have seen our hearts and they are made of gold.

Sometimes I wonder if that kind of knowledge is something I want at all. I guess we’ve been out of innocence for a while now, but to me it would still feel like throwing fireflies into the sun. I can stick to what you gave me, and whatever I brought you in return, if only a headache. And I die in here saying we’re not friends, I lay down here realizing we don’t know each other, but isn’t one good look more than enough to understand? Aren’t most friendships based around one silly instant?

So I’ve been digging. I’ve been searching for a way to be for real. What I found is lots of words and a few long, long nights. And I should probably ask, do you mind being in my thoughts from time to time? Do you even care if I named a piece of my soul after you? Don’t worry, I chose a pretty one. At least I think it is. I’d love to show you, but you know it doesn’t work like that. *This* is all the show I can put on, and pretty much the only thing I have ever been to you.

And in the end, what’s left is a path with no you and me, which is nothing new to the two of us, really. We have shared so little. But I believe in the power of little things, I believe in embarassed beauty, I believe in cold water and the floating dawn. Life is built on running memories and funny choices. Turns out I’ve cut myself deeply enough, which is why you’ll always be well invited to both my heart and my nights.